Tuesday, December 21, 2010

SAAG- '10

Did everyone forgot about the SAAG? where i give out cool awards and quite a bit of cash prize around the year end? How can you forget that people!!! Its like filmfare awards, but a bit more star studded!
For those who arrived late, its Smalltowngirl's Annual Award Giveaway, my way of saying that i am thankful for your support and i really really love your blog and i am really glad that this platform brought us together! Yeah, the idea is patented.
So this year, the SAAGs goes to... *drum roll*

1. Fezi the Kitchen Boffin: Isn't it strange that amongst all my college mates i was the sole blogger for like 3 years? And ours is not in any way a lame college. Its just small. That's why i rejoiced when Fezi, my classmate and my bench mate in final year(yes we had benches and desks) joined me in the blog sphere this year. We knew we were special when in our second year we published this very funny(for only us) and handwritten class magazine. She is a great cook these days and i will not embarrass her by telling how she ate rice flakes at alarming rates and didn't knew how to brew coffee during the time i knew her. I am glad that she found a way to unleash her creativity and i know she
will go a long way.
Well, check her blog for cutting edge, but easy to cook recipes with nostalgic takes on them. Simply great!
For that, she receives...

2. Ramu the Lamenting Wimp: How can i not mention Ramu when i say the people i have met through this blog. Names can be deceiving. It might sound like diary of a nobody, but he is one with the brightest brain which is short circuited in a way to generate some of the craziest and funniest blog posts ever. If this guy goes on to be a stand up comedian, i wouldn't be surprised.
Check Ramu's blog for funny outtakes and crazy theories which probably won't make much sense but are guaranteed to make you laugh your ass off.
For that, he gets....

3. The Deranged Superior brain: Jobin is one of the people who genuinely care about my blog no matter how crazy i get. We had some interesting conversations which rather winded up due to, i don't know, the usual reasons, timing and time. But his blog is like a curious and unfeigned look out into life by an innocent person. He is not innocent and has seen a lot of life, but he still has that wonderment to the life around him. He has been in my support system this year and it makes me a lot happy when i see a comment from him, because i know he means well and is commenting just because he has to say something about it. Thanks man.
And there you get a....

4. Destiny's awesome child: Rajlakshmi and i started around the same time i think. But we have been together for a lot of these years and still connect via our blogs. I know she got an award last year, but this is brand new year and a brand new award. She has been there with her comments and then there are her photographs and poetry(with and without shape) and her takes on trips and lookouts through her office pantry... too much things in there, you got to check her blog!
For one awesome blog, she receives...

5. Not so sublime Karan: Karan deserved an award last year. He has been there for me you know, and i cant thank him enough for that. He seems a little busy this year, and a bit stuck with writer's block. But he never ceases to drop in with a few words of encouragement. About that block, write your way through it buddy, there is no other way.
Wishing a speedy recovery, here's to you...

I think that about sums it up. But i thank all of you who has been there and just dropped to read or say awesome to nasty stuff about my blog. And if i left anyone out, its all my fault and i give you permission to chase me down the street with a taser gun and stun me silly. Ouch.
Enjoy the Christmas and the few days that's left of 2010.
Adios, amigos!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Smoking a Cigar

I have this zest to try out new (and possibly not good) things in life. Smoking was something i was postponing for a long time. I had to do it one of these days. Not because i was stressing, not because of peer pressure. Its a thing. I had to try it.

Steps to take while smoking a cigar.

· Get a cigar first

a. Don't go to shops you know.

b. Don't nick from people who keep count.

· Find a lonely but comfortable place.

· Don't forget to carry a lighter.

· Don't take the first drag too deep.

· You might cough. Relax.

· Don't do fancy stuff at first.

· After doing it, dispose evidence, go back to your life, and don't tell anyone.

Well. This was the general plan. I suck at plans.

The first step was the easiest.

Dad smokes and its easy to nick from him. I was running around in morning chores when i saw an abandoned cigar and decided that its time i smoked one.

So i took it, grabbed a matchbox, ( where is the sophisticated lighter when i need o

ne!) and took off to my parents' room. Open doors. Well, i was lazy to climb to my room. I just came down. And my parents know i am crazy.

I sat down in peace, lighted it. Took a shallow drag.

How Did it Went:

·Its not so awesome. Its not an instant high(like pot, which i have not tried, yet ;) ), its not tasty like wine( which i love), its not comforting as food. Actually i don't know why people smoke. I will get to it later.

·Watching smoke coming out of your nose is cool. I saw it in mirror, and promptly started laughing like a hyena. Doubted for a sec if it was indeed pot.

·It burns you somewhere in pharynx. Intense and not in a good way. Made me think of smoke inhalations. Well, i was inhaling willingly, cant complain.

·I did not cough. If its my very unshakable lungs or careful maneuvering, i don't know. I like to think its the former.

·I was thinking, i am so going to blog about this, and then was not paying much attention to the butt in my hand, except occasional drags. so it stopped burring around the last 1/3rd. I didn't bothered to light it a second time.

I am probably going to sound like a very prude person or a very unadventurous one, but i think i am never going to smoke again. Its not because of the health risks. I am obese, if i had any thoughts on health, i won't be.

Its just, I didn't get why people smoke. Like i said, no high, no pleasure, no comfort! Just burning in nose and the smell of smoke. I guess its them boring people who just do it for the sake of doing something gets stuck with it as a habit. I am too lazy for habits.

So i classify it as a waste endeavour and is going to move on with poise.

The Laters:

After i disposed the butt, i waltzed into kitchen and announced, " Well, i didn't think i was going to do that!"

Mom: What?

Me: I am not telling.

Mom: *Skeptical look*

Me: phew *blowing at mom's face*

Mom: You smoked???!!!

Me: Yeah, i tried.

Mom: Krishna!( thats not my name, its the god's name, clearly in vain) What is with you kid??

Me: I just smoked, i am not going to again, because its awful! Isn't that great news? Blah blah blah( this constitutes of all the things in said earlier)...

Mom: *Staring*

Later later:

Me: Dad, it burns behind nose when smoking! WHy you even do that!!

Dad: Well, for beginners it might. Not for me anymore!

Me: Hmmm.

Dad: You smoked?

Me: Yeah. Its awful.

Dad: Ok.

Note to my future kids:

If you are reading this, i want to tell you a few things.

1. Notice that i didn't smoked till i was almost 28. I will give you one year lax. If i caught you with a cig before 27, i am going to be really angry.

2. I did it once, so if i caught you twice, you have an entire different thing coming. I dont care if you are a biker chick or a scientific reasercher on the advantages of smoking.

3. You can not use this as a leverage against me. Well, not more than once.

So what's next?

Wouldn't you like to know. :P

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My D(i)ay of Friendship

All my friends know me as this very loud, very confident and very friendly person who is never alone in a room and is loud, a bit bit obnoxious and a lot of fun.
But there was a time when i was none of these. I was gloomy, sad, alone and confused. My high school days. People say high schools are the best of their lives. Mine was hell.
This post is not about my high school. Or even me. Its about friendships. And Di.

Between my tenth grade and the time i was joining college, i had become this overly smart, loud person. Someone who needs a lot of attention from a lot of people. Someone who is afraid to stand alone. But even then i was lonely. I understood the phrase alone in a crowd.
Thus, when i started off to my college, all i wanted was a friend, who was solely mine. Not a public figure, but kind of personal. When i got to college, there were a lot of people, all of them friendly and fun, all of them accepting me as i am. I was part of this awesome gang, who shared a room and a lot of fun together. I was close with all three of them and after all the glitter has settled, i started feeling lonely again. I wanted someone real bad. I wrote letters to my imaginary best friend. I even made a list of all my classmates to find the one, like a contest. I was not mental, but someone who never had a close friend in life, i was rather desperate. Amongst all these, i was not paying enough attention to this one girl. She was everything i was not. She was bold but not outspoken, loud but shy and bloody brilliant at studies. She was also cute as a button. But looks can be deceiving. She was not afraid of anyone or anything. Her style sucked and she liked to be a loner. A true anti-social. She used to stare at me rather rudely, watching all the rucksack i made. She was old school, rather set in her ways, introvert, and a true kill joy. I was mad to even go talk to her, with my flamboyant style.

That was Di.

I am not getting into all those things that lead to us being joined at the hips for the 5 out of 6 years of my college. We were inseparable and happy as two chimpanzees smoking pot.
I think after getting to know her, i never even wanted to make friends with anyone. Whats the point? I was taken. She was it, my best friend forever and I won't let her go. And truly there was no place for a third one, and this feeling was mutual.

All this is too dramatic for a tale of friendship, right? Well, Friendship is a lot like love. May be there are people who doesn't understand the sentiment behind my words. But they don't really know what i share with Di.
I was and is completely, completely in love with her. Warts and mad tantrums and all. (She doesn't have warts. She'd kill me if i implied that.)
If in finding love, we mean finding someone to share our life with, i will say that i found my love when i was 19 and started spending every second of my free time with her. Because i share my life with her, even with the whole geography of Kerala between us. Because i truly cannot imagine a one without her.

Happy birthday Di.
Love you forever.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Life Changing Device

(Written for Life changing Device challenge at Blogadda).

I am literally going to go with life changing device and not a particular incident.

A few note worthy points before i start.
1. I have never owned a blackberry. because,
a) i don't trust CDMA because i have this freedom to change sim notion, which is ironic since the last sim change i did was 3 years ago.
b) i am poor.
2. I love gadgets. But don't own many. Refer to point (b) for why.

So it is my last phone, Sony K750i, he Life changer. It was rather a beginner's mobile, though i bought it after selling an S60 device. I dont think many goes back to just sony OS and java after using a symbian. But i did.
It might look lame but it is one of the most sold mobiles in the country(used to). However much i don't wanna be in a crowd, this was worth it i think.
This mobile becomes special because it was bought by my internship money. Which was not much, if you know anyone who has interned at a hospital. I wanted to get a sony walkman series, but this was all i could afford. But this has pretty much all the specifics but less looks, so much like me. (Backhanded compliment to self. Yes.)

How this mobile changed my life

I was in the last legs of college life and was getting to know Internet. Even though i had my laptop then, i used to hook to Airtel net using this phone here (word of thanks to airtel,unlimited net at 250 rs per month, it was a great plan, if a little slow). So i got into this whole social networking/blogging/just browsing all through this phone. This phone pretty much taught me how to handle internet. And have a social life and almost everything i know about web and mobile web.
After college i was really lonely. Having studied your entire life away from home will make you pretty much friendless in your hometown. This phone kept me busy. I had net, i had the phone. So i always had something to read or someone to chat to.
I reinvented my love of reading in this device. And through wattpad. Its not so awesome now, i hear, but it was great then. College was somewhere i got lost myself as a person. I found books via this phone. And its going great these days.
I had a best friend whom i only knew through chats. And my job don't allow me to carry the lap. So you can guess. The ebuddy and nimbuzz rocks.
People who know me will always complain i don't keep my eyes off the phone. I always carry it around. Its true. Its because i have so so much to do in it! I was never bored with it. And even when i bought my next mobile, i went for a better Sony phone. With 3g and all, (stupid, since no carriers for the network in my town) but i was pretty much comfy with the sony's style of doing it.
That phone made my life happy, and better and whole lot wise. Any day i would call it my EFB.
Electronic Best Friend.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Lazy lazy lazy me!

Hey fella!
I am really surprised that you are reading this. I am so sorry that i had been away. But i hope your time was pleasant in the mean time.
So, December! Whats cooking in your kitchen? You remember i told you that this was my favorite month in an year? Oh, i said it was January, right? With my birthday and all? I was lying. Truth to be told, i frikkin hate January. Its not a disease amongst woman to hate their birth month na?
Well, jokes aside, January does make me miserable. But December hosts the birthday of two of my favorite girls in the world, so and its so damn festival! Ahm. I have written all these last year.
But what to do? Nothing new happening for me na? You tell me what i should write now.
So, i mentioned cooking, right? Yup Christmas plum cake. Last year my kitchen-savvy but not-so-baking-savvy brother dried my supposed-to-be-soft cake, so i am doing doing it all alone this time. The dry fruits and all are in the Rum jar and it smells so heavenly! I hope my dad doesn't sneak up on it!
You must write me what is going on on your life. Did the stars hung? Wine cellar opened? Posted the letter to Santa? I love Christmas!! Too obvious, right?
Well, adios love, enjoy it all. And keep an eye open for me!
Your Smalltown Sree!

Monday, November 15, 2010

I can, I can't.

I can finish a 300+ page book in a day, and that too not skipping TV and chores.

I cant drive any vehicle to save my life. In fact, i didn't drove once to save my dad's life. But he is still alive, so i am no lamenting the point much.

I can entertain myself for any length of time, if i have my mobile phone.

I can't live an hour without the said phone.

I can tell if you are lying to me.

I can't tolerate physical pain. At best it makes me a cry baby. If you are responsible for my pain, i am hurting you back.

I can make funny greeting cards. And plan surprise gifts.

I can't hold a surprise a secret. If i plan your birthday a week before, we are celebrating it a week before.

I can live entirely off oatmeal.

I can't juggle anything. Not even two lemons.

I can whistle. Feebly. That after 2 years of practice.

I can't focus on anyone's talk for more than 20 mins. Made me a terrible student.

I can play a decent game of Indian Rummy.

I can't win Rummy against my brother, who is a terrible player, but is suspiciously lucky.

I can do awesome googling. Seriously. It needs really good skill.

I can't pretend to smile when i am really pissed of at someone. I look rally pissed off.

I can spin theories and anecdotes out of anything, some of which actually make sense.

I can't keep away from dogs. If i see a dog in any home, i have to go meet it, say hi and mostly get barked at.

I can be organised only when i am in charge of organizing. Or i am very disorganized.

I can't paint. Or draw. I actually got a C- in my 10th grade art. That for cheating in arts. Still now i cant imagine i did that.

I can spend hours on wikipedia. Just jumping through the articles.

I can't handle kids. I don't think they like me much.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Liar Liar!

I admit i am a bad liar. I tend to stare, stumble and get stuck between speeches. Except when its about food. I can be pretty convincing when i lie about food.

Mom: Sree, who ate the jilebi in fridge?
Me: Gave it to rocky.
Mom: The spicy biscuit?
Me: Gave to rocky!
Mom: The bread?
Me: Rocky!
Mom: Molu, Rocky don't eat bread.
Me: Yeah, that's why he sniffed it and left it there. So i threw it away. Away!

Not bad, eh?

[Glossary: Molu- Pet name for daughter]

Monday, November 08, 2010

Tying the Wrong Knots

I will site here two situations. You can tell me the difference in the comment section.

Situation One
*phone rings*
Person1(P1): Hello.
P2:Hello, i am calling after seeing an ad in paper.
P1: Yes, We did put an ad. Its for my daughter. Who is talking?
P2:I am the boy's father. Where is your proper place?
P1: We live in %%%%. Me and wife are retired now. This is our only child.
P2: What is your caste?
P1: XXXX. We assume you are too?
P2: Yes. I and wife both are. We have a younger girl too. She married a guy from the same caste.
P1: What does the boy do?
P2: He did BBB course, now works in TTT company. He earns NN per an
num. Well settled. He has his own flat there. And he is up for a promotion real soon.
P1: Well, thats great. So will you send a kundli so that we can go see the pundit?
P2: Oh yes. Soon. Then we'll meet you people if all goes right.
P1:I hope so too. If everything works as good as we hope, we dont want to delay anything.
P2: We dont, too. Its all for the kids' betterment. Why delay, eh?
P1: Ha ha. yeah. So i will tell you the address now..

Situation Two
P1: Hello sir.
P2: Ah kaka, this maal you have looks good.
P1: Yes Sir, She is young, tender meat, ripe for plucking sir.
P2: Hmm. This was exactly what we were looking for. All tests done na?
P1: Yes sir. The doctor's certificate is here. See. If you like this i will get this to your home by tomorrow morning.
P2: Hmm. Make it day after tomorrow. Some people are coming to see my daughter. We are making mutton biriyani. So you cut it in the size for that.
P1: This is one excellent goat sir. Tender meat. Perfect for the biriyani.
P2: So, how much for the goat?

Both these are not a rare conversations in modern India. On a second thought, the latter one is rarer than than the former. What does that say about the progressive, ready to embrace the world, youth powered India?
I can go on and talk a day about the injustice of it all. But the system is not going to change. Its not the girl, its not the boy.
So i am just keeping a cynical face on it.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Shane Mack: Lie to me

Today i happened upon this awesome awesome song. Loved it on first hearing. Then i heard it again. And again. And nth time, again. Everyone play it once and tell me you loved it too!

Lie to me Lyrics

Lie, of why you're leavin' early
Deny, that you're in any hurry
Cry and tell me not to worry
Cause what I don't know, is never gonna hurt me.

Breathe, no baby don't feel guilty
Deceive me, then just walk away
Leave me, the truth would only kill me
And It's gotta be, it's gotta be this way.

One more bad excuse
Before you turn me lose
Give me something to remember you by
Couldn't you offer me
A little dishonesty
Promise me you'll try
You'll lie to me.

Go, your plane's not gonna stay
Slow, so I can take it in
And so, you say you'll see me later
When you know you won't see me again.

Please before you let go of me
Take me one more time
Appease me, tell me that you love me
That you haven't gone and changed your heart.

One more bad excuse
Before you turn me lose
Give me something to remember you by
Couldn't you offer me
A little dishonesty
Promise me you'll try
You'll lie to me, lie to me.

By: Shane Mack.

NB: On a completely different note, i love this series on Star World, Lie to me.

Friday, November 05, 2010

'Ear me out!

I am not pretty when i get sick. In fact, its quite a terror. I get needy, greedy and bloody irritating when something disturbs the aww-so-amazing functioning of my body.
And usually i am very healthy too. No fevers, with or without fancy names. No wonky lab reports. No allergies. All systems functioning well.
Then i woke up yesterday.
And the whole room started spinning.

I closed my eyes and tried to turn. And then it spun some more. It stopped.

I thought I'd skipped the dinner. No i hadn't. And i am not that delicate.
I stood up and then the spinning restarted. I was never a fan of theme park rides. Now you can imagine how i feel about this. It freaked me out. I went downstairs, feeling slightly nauseous. Add to that a slight temperature and sweating.

Then once i settled and fixed my head on a pillow, the world righted itself and i could start thinking what went wrong. Especially, where.

I remembered all the times i had asked patients, was the room spinning or were you spinning kinda questions. They will mostly make are-you-crazy eyes at you. But when it happens to you, thank god for your basic knowledge, you notice.
I don't like medical terms in blog. Still, you know what this means? Positional Vertigo.
Basically my ear is screwed. (I am leaving the technicalities here.)

You know what irked me? The Ear part. Of all the parts of my body to go and do something weird, the ear had to do it. I, who never ever ever got admitted in a hospital as a child, except one time for finishing a bottle of 500 grams of Boost in one day and getting quite a digestive tract cleaning, both ways, is an epitome of health. So i am convinced that one day i will get some awe-worthy disease, like Blood cancer(my childhood ambition, yes i watched films a lot) and die a very theatrical death making every eyes wet. And no where in this huge production i can find a role for an ear. But there it goes, literally and figuratively toppling my entire world. I want to take a nailgun and gun this thing down, which may not be an ideal situation. And i will never hear the end of it (Haha!).
And you know what this means? Doctor. I hate doctors. I don't trust them. And now i hate my ear too. :(
So I skipped the doc, I sat at home and had a lecture on causes of vertigo from mom. Being lazy and disrespecting her. Yess Mom. You are lucky i cant shake my head in denial.

Monday, November 01, 2010

The Beauty of Puttu

So, my EverYouth scrub went missing. Yes, the same shit in the picture.
When i was younger, I used to buy that because the uber-soft-skinned girl in college used it. Then i grew old. And EverYouth walnut scrub shifted gears from fancy to necessary.
And that scrub went missing.
How dare it!
First i tried to adjust with just face wash. Then it really started getting gruesome. Brittle and cranky face. Old age. Someone hug me now!
Then i essentially plowed the whole house to find it.
To no avail.
I was getting desperate.

If necessity was the mother of invention, desperation was the father of it.

And here, my fellas, i am giving out my first beauty tip via blog. And its not pretty.

Anyone heard of Puttu? The staple breakfast of keralites/mallus. Good with sugar, banana, chicken, beef....it goes with anything.

Am going offtrack.

So one of the ever present commodity of a mallu home is puttu podi (powder for puttu). Its basically rice(small, white ones) moistened and then powdered coarsely and then fried and stored.

You know what that means? Coarse powder. Fried to be hard and dry.

My brain short circuited to this conclusion today morning and Ah... what a relief to have my smooth ex-foliated skin back!

And you know what the catch is! EverYouth costs Rs.55 (which ain't much and it lasts forever!) But you know what is better? Puttu podi is absolutely free!!
So enjaay the great puttu, and flaunt the soft skin!
(someone should campaign it.)

PS:I don't do beauty advices. Its just because there are some things i admit i am terrible at.
Having said that, i am not a HOG. And being a mallu means you are supposed to bath 3 times a day and proclaim all non-mallus dirty. I manage the second part.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Rants of an incurable romantic *angst*

There are days when i discover a true love story. A real life one. Its not in a story mode. It is of two people and their pages, littered across the networks. You need the indulgence and the resolve to find it. And a good stalker brain. [Don't worry. I am a good stalker, if there is one.]

Love is not only joyous to those who live it, but to those who see it too. Its like a sun rise, a promise that somewhere in the world, good things are happening. Its like a summer rain, a relief that the things you imagine, the things you want, exists. If not with you.
It amazes my how people find happiness the most random fashions, out of nowhere. Someone calls an old class mate after six years and boom, in 20 days they decide they will spend the rest of their life together. Someone gives up on love, meets another someone in an online matrimony site, exchange emails and then proceed on a very unconventional way to matrimony. I can tell so many stories here, but they all tell amazing tales of love. And makes me wonder why its happening to all these people and not me?
I mean, i am nothing, but somewhere out there, there should be someone who is nothing too, right? Or someone who likes nothing? I am embarrassing myself.
What i am saying is, the same way these stories make me happy and hopeful, they also awakens despair and resentment. Its out there, everyone says it, but i cant find it. There is nothing called love, you live with what you get, someone says, but the hopeless, hopeless romantic in me refuse to believe that.
Today it was someone i know(who doesn't know me, much), who, after a struggling life, found his him, and i say none deserve it more than he does.
May be love is not a privilege. May be it has to be earned. May be i have always been so happy with me, i don't need someone to make me happy. May be i need to work for it. Plot. Plan. May be it really is not for everyone. May be i should stop talking now.
But so many things are wrong with me/for me right now. I cant stop wishing for this one thing to be right. And then may be, everything would align right too.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-Lord Alfred Tennyson

Friday, October 29, 2010

Windows to a Woman's Mind: Things More Important Than the BF.

Before the list begins, i have to tell you a few things.
I specifically said WOMAN, not girl. Girls' minds works differently. They are more fast, sunny and colorful. Ah, i miss being the silly girl.
This is a generic post. It is not 110% right. As soon as i am granted the money, i am doing the studies.
And every woman is different.

I thank RK for asking me to do this and i am also grateful for my gazillion close and non close gal pals for the inspiration and the observation.
(I always wanted to give a speech like this!)

Things More Important Than the BF/the husband/the male entity in life.
  1. The Pride: This is what is more important than anything else. You cant bullshit a woman and remain in her good grades. Give Respect and earn it back.
  2. The family: It might sound a bit clich├ęd, but is true. A woman might be independent, she might occasionally cuss those who are related to her, but, remember, Blood is always thicker than water. We don't like you when you point fingers. That's our job.
  3. The Views: A woman has certain views she is adherent on. Don't try to change them. Change yourself. This is one that makes a girl different from a woman. You can mould a girl. Not a woman.
  4. The GFs: Yes, the girlfriends are important. They have been there since the start of time. And they are not going anywhere. We might not hangout like we used to, bu they are there and you better love them. And we don't love you more, we just love you different.
  5. The gadgets: This concerns the tech savvy girls. We love our gadgets. Don't try to take them away. Don't ridicule them. Don't ridicule us. We most definitely know more that you do. Anyways, we are always open for more.

And then there is shopping. :P

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Moment of truth

Every one knows moment of truth, or Sach ka saamna, and first and foremost, this is one show i DON'T watch. But i do see the trailers in Star world (or my Alma mater, as dad says) and i wonder why people who has things to hide go on live TV to blurt those out (i have doubts about the whole series.).
So, i was thinking, if i went, i would be going almost to the end, as there are only a few secrets in my life, which are, to be frank, embarrassments only.
Then i thought of this question:

Have to ever wanted to murder your parents in slow and excruciating detail, so that you will be out of their annoying presence in your life?


Sunday, October 10, 2010

Network Hearts Do Break Like Real Ones

Today i understood how much the social networks have ingrained themselves to our life. Its the you, only better. Its the you want to be and almost can be. Teeny tiny details in your profile is as important as your accessories. The intro is as important as your clothes. The movies and books in your profile equals your grad certificate, but cooler.
That same way, the friends in your Facebook(my poison) counts. Adding someone is a whim, but deleting someone is as painful as destroying an ex's photo. You might know these people only through the network. But your heart still hurts when you delete them from network.
I didn't wanted to make a scene of it, but all these angst was burning and seeing all these people when i login was not helping.

To Chetan, i dont have anything to say to you. You are nice. Keep it up bro.
To Rudra, You are a scumbag and if i write all that i have to say to you, my blog will get a court order. Just fuck off.
To Adi, its not you dear, its all me. You will always be the best person i ever met online. I hope you have an awesome life :)

Damn, Life sucks. And then you die.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Spam me in style. (its a request)

From: Karen L. De Luca
To: Yours truly
Dear Internet User!Microsoft Company have donated £1,500,000 Pounds to you and your family as a benefit for joining us in expanding the use of internet in your country., Contact: Mr.George MacVicar :Email:georgemacvicar@seo-z.cn

From:British Telecom
To: Who else?
Your email ID has been awarded £1,000,000,00 GBP in our British
receipt by sending your
1.Full Name:
2.Full Address:

Jeez. Where are these people's imagination!
Do something creative. Entertain me. Make my heart go faster.
Try to fool me. At least pretend that you are trying.
Or you are just depressing me with your lack of imagination.

See this lady for example:

From:Princess Priscal Kiki
To:You guessed it.
My Dear,

I am writing this letter in confidence believing that if it is the wish of God for you to help me and my family, God almighty will bless and reward you abundantly and you would never regreat.

I am a female student from University of Benin ,I am 26yrs old. I like any person who can be caring, loving and home oriented,I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction.

Well, my father died earlier two months ago and left I and my junior brother behind. My father was a king, which our town citizens titled him over sixteen years before his death.I was a princess to him and I am the only person who can take care of his wealth now because my junior brother is still young and my mother is not literate enough to know all my father's wealth.
My father left the sum of USD $4.5 Million (four million,five hundred thousand US Dollars)in a security company .This money was annually paid into my late fathers account by NNPC and SHELL companies operating in our locality for the compensation of youth and community development in our jurisdiction.

I don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my present because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town.

Now,i urgently need your humble assistance to help me move this money from the security company to your country, That is why I felt happy when I saw your contact because I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will help me invest this money wisely.

I am ready to pay 40% of the total amount to you if you help us in this transaction and another 10% interest of Annual After Income to you after handling the expenses should there be any in the course of moving the money to your country.If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund from the security company,you shall never regret in your life for assisting me.
Please, note that this transaction is 100% risk free and I hope to commence the transaction as quick as possible.You can contact me in my private email: kikipriscal84@yahoo.com

Yours sincerely,

PRINCESS Priscal Kiki

Now there is a Princess, damsel, in distress. Your moment to man up and do the deed to save the lady. Thank god i dont have the basic qualification to man up, or who knows, this would be our happily ever after.
And this is how you entertain. I was sorry for her plight, heck as interested to help out, and MORE(wink wink).
I can really imagine princess priscal /rascal Kiki. And she's cute. Isn't she?

Wednesday, October 06, 2010


I have no idea if its spring or not now a days in this parts of india, but its so full of flowers! They say its post-monsoon or something(wiki, my guru), but i dont care. Its so really really beautiful, i couldn't help zapping some pics with the Elmo, and then i couldn't help showing it off. :P
All of you, suckers, [especially those who use samsung monte(god i hate that phone!)] DIE of envy! :P

I need to figure out a way to do blogging from Elmo. But activating airtel MMS in the phone is no good idea as i latches on to net and download all my junk mails. Sheesh.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Dog Love

Today I saw MARLEY AND ME. I know its a bit late seeing this. Trust me, usually I dont miss such pep movies. I haven't seen terminator-the-last yet, but I dont want that with Chris Bale and without Arnold Shwatwashisname. But I do watch romcom aka Jennifer Aniston.
So, I read the excerpt of Marley and me earlier and found that a bit meh. Dog and couple, usual fun, blah blah blah. And I decided I am not watching that. Big mistake. If someone comes to flick me for that, i'll gladly place my head in any position you might want me to. So what I was telling was, I missed one of the best pet movies ever made over a rash decision. And today, I was bored and looking for something on tv and I happened upon Marley and me. It had started a few minutes ago, but I decided i'll see it anyhow.
First I thought this too would be one of those film in which the dog talks in gruff voices, acts goofy and saves some ass. You know, the kind of dogs we never have. The ones we have are adorable at times, trying otherwise, disobeying, too hungry and always climbing on body when you wear a new dress. Exactly like marlay. I laughed a lot. Remembered my old dogs, and Rocky, and cried a whole lot towards the end. Its terrible when your dog passes away. Been there. I wont wish that on anyone. Especially because no one gets why you are sad and crying so much. They go like- "Dog died?Thats sad. But why dont you get a new one?". No one gets it.
The whole movie was about a normal(he might seem crazy, but all my dogs were exact same) dog through the eyes of a normal dog owner. The film touches you somewhere deep. The same place that makes you cover the dog's tablets in jam and buys him chocolate when you are at the supermarket counter.
After credit roll, I regretted ever raising my voice at rocky and resisting his ploys to get me to play with him. All I wanted to do was go out, find him and give him a fierce hug and chase him when he runs around with my chappal. Motivated, I found him chewing on a new bone at the backyard. I went and nudged him and said 'hey Rock!'. My dog looked at me, in anger, fiercely protective of his bone(like i am gonna at it), and says 'Grrr..'.

Yeah. Thats about all the dog love I can get until that bone is history. :p

Friday, September 24, 2010


I've been watching How I Met Your Mother for a long time now. Bro introduced me to the funny-but-relateable gang last year and i'd been curious. Nay, more than that. I love it.
Off all of them, Barney was always my guy. The womaniser. His magnanimous quotes and cute similis, I could always relate to him. The most depraved but yet the most child at heart. I am that in my gang. Though compared to the lion that is Barney am like this rat. A lab one at that.
Oh, am going off track here. So back to Mosby. I didnt liked the guy much. He is just a minor loser. Yeah. Concentrate on that word. LOSER.
Now imagine my dismay when I realised my life, mostly and sadly is like his.
This so going to be a sorrow train ride. Step out if you dont want the tea in my pity party.
I was watching the show in tv, season four, episode second last or third, I guess. Ted lost his job. He dont have any. Well, nice. I'll see him at this club of ours, for the unemployed super awesome freaks. He is trying self employment and working from home. Like me too. Yay! Without any success too. Yeah.
Then there is the romantic side of the guy. He waits for this amazing thing to sweep in and make him feel complete. Get in the damn line. And also he doesn't know what he is looking for, and is according to me, really lazy. Pretty lame that line is, eh?
Well, there is the fact that he lives in new-freakin-york and me in a place only some in tax department knows.
Anyway in major fronts, i've been been as lame and unmotivated as ted has been, in dealing with the clusterfuck that is also my life. But I know Ted's life will get better soon. He'll meet the Mother, have kids with her (meh) and live in this beautiful home. I only hope mine gets half as good. :-)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Happy and Gay!

Is it me reading gay romance fiction and watching Just Say Love(beautiful film by the way, I wish I had seen the play), or do these two look totally gay? (Apart from the boobs, of course.)

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Two days, two movies and Sonam Kapoor

Sonam Kapoor is one of my favourite bollywood actress amongst the current lot. Hadn't seen much of her films except the first abysmal one, Sawariya, but to me, she comes off as a warm, genuine not so stuffed person, unlike the others. Also, i'd admire anyone who has the will power to lose 30 pounds.
So, in yesterday and today, I watched two of her latest films, thought i'd do a review of those. Since two films have collected enough sledge to sink the Titanic without the iceberg, I thought i'd do it in points. You know, to appear less boring.


1. I am going to start on how ridiculous the title is. Everyone has done it before me, but my blog, my say. I hate when people say LUV. Its definitely not a cute version of love.
2. Imran Khan. I hate his mamu, but I do like mamu's acting. The nephew can act as good as a skate board. And Arjun Rampal. Casting a cat would've made the pairing cuter.
3. The plot of this is film is like the grand canyon. The gaps are huge. But unlike the canyon, not so awesome.
4. I dont know his name, but the cute dude from sprite ad was wonderful :D. Even his dialogues were awesome. And to make a point, the hot-crazy graph is Barney's. But almost everything in the film is a copy, so, meh.
5. I thought the whole idea of love story in the background of film industry would be awesome, but they ruined it with too much cliche. Can there be too much cliche? Yes, this film is the answer to that question. Way too much to go down in two hours. So, comes straight back up. Sounds awful na? It was.
6. Music - really good. My taste.


1. Chicflick. You can never have too much of chicflick.
2. Looks like Emma, feels like Emma. And what not to like about Emma? Except that you've seen it before. Loved it!
3. Abhay Deol. I love this guy. If there is a Jane Austen hero material (subtle, strong and silent) amongst current bolly-boys, its him.
4. Casting of this film should get a whole new award. Kya kamal kiya hai. Everyone is good in the character's shoes. Even the new ones.)
5. Loved the climax. The director could've made it tacky, I thought it was going to be almost tacky, but it is really nice. After the I Hate Luv Storys tack overdose, I needed this film.
6. Its a lovable film. Its chicflick, its emma, its a happily ever after, but we admire so many western romcoms, is this much worse?

That brings an end to my blab. But I didnt talked about Sonam. Loved her in Aisha. Charismatic, classy and in character. About her role in I hate I hate luv storys(that was not a typo), no actor is better than the script, so, its as good as the whole thing. Tad better, since am a fan.

Friday, August 27, 2010

The Cat

I don't want to come out as an animal hater when i say i hate cats. But i guess wanting wring the neck of one and to throw one by its tails does not make me much nice too. (I swear i am better with dogs. Or anything that flies or walks on four legs. I hate fish. They are for eating.) I don't know where i get these cat hurting urges. Mom says its from the time one scratched me when i was 8. (Guess its dead now and i am not. Ha, you cat-bitch!)
So far this had been a non issue. I have known and liked people who in fact(to the horror!) owned cats. I made fun of them, insulted them and always told the cat is not cute. (No wonder some never keep in touch.) But, my closest ones are also not big fans of the four legged selfish masterminds who wants to take over the world. Especially in my family. While me and my bro do like the big ones, (tigers are not cats, damnit!) we always voted for dogs to be adopted and not cats. Thus we had Rocky, our GSD, not a monster named chucky or leo.( Damn i love the name Leo. Next dog. Period.)
I should have known that this domestic bliss would have a short life.
During the world cup, it happened.
Imagine the ugliest, unhealthiest cat you can image. Thats what happened.
At first when it trotted around the kitchen, we all thought it will die in 3 days maximum. Mom took pity on the monster and gave it a fair share of Rocky's milk. I was horrified to find it comfortably drinking milk near the firewood out back. Along with me, dad too registered his opposition to this new animal.
I should never have forgotten that the one thing me and mom share is our sovereign contempt for anything other family members think or want. Thus mom, also the queen bee and sole ruler of our home decided to keep the monster kitty. And named it SAKUMI. For the world cup mascot. Jeezus freaking Christ!
All these time, i thought either it will die, or we will chase it out of home. Or Rocky will do the job. We were shocked to find that his smelling is pretty lame for one of the-most-used-dog-breed-in-police. He knows mom is harboring hostage, he sniffs for it and never ever went close to its hiding. Shameless doggie! Now there goes my plans of him joining CIA! Hmmph
And once it had established rapport with mom, (mom calls, it purrs. How disgusting!) it turned on me. I knew it would. One day i discovered that my room smelled of urine. And later of poop. I found cat shit in two different places and one on a cloth, which i dont own now. Of the whole house and backyard and all, the monster had to shit in my room. My room!
Consider this as a statutory warning. Cats are evil. They select their opponents, the plan the attack in minute detail and they carry that out with precision. They are watching us. I even doubt this cat is a reincarnation of you-know-which-cat. To my everlasting dread, its getting healthy now. And fearless as it roams the hall and sits on the window sill.
Any way, i am forced to lock my door and windows now.
I am safe.
Until the Cat forges the key.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Organised Mess that is also known as my life

Long time, no post about moi, the queen of this page (At least).
  • Am going at this in bullet points because i think it will look in order and that would be the only thing orderly in my whole frikking life now. Its a terrible mess which got rundown by a train. Or looks like it.
  • Onam was nice as usual, Family and Food. Two things i like and is not good for me. I discovered that cooking criticisms really really hurt me. And i swear it was not THAT bad. :|
  • Did i mentioned i am jobless now? Sigh. I feel awful about you, who is reading all this crap and is feeling awful about me. But yes, unemployed. It really does suck.
  • I am reading some Gay romance novels now, which i tell you, is rather nice too. Except the steam scenes, which i can live without. Does reading it makes me Queer-ish? I swear if were a man, i would be gay. Since i find men rather interesting and not women(even if those men are doing things to each other) i think i do come under the straight group. The majority. How boring!
  • So, why in pop culture Gay men are depicted hunky, in fashion, nice and chatty and Lesbians are depicted aggressive, negative and rather bitchy? Why why why?
  • I, along with my best friend Rudeboy, think that i am really partial to gay men. This would be explained by my love for Neil Patrick Harris, Chris Colfer and Matt Bomer. This also means i watch too much TV and read too much gossips.
  • I really hope this post does not turn out to be one on my sexual orientation. Which i am not sure yet ;)
  • All things aside i think i am drunk. A teeny bit. This will excuse anything i might have said.
Adios Amigos!

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Cutting the cord

There are a very few relationships that run life long in perfect harmony. Highs and lows. Happy times and sad times. All rolled into a thrilling beautiful ride. But some gets cut when the song is picking up the high notes. Or dies down when the slowness takes over. Or just gets plain irritating. Thus life is a symphony of a many songs. Some complete. Some incomplete.
Whoa! Why am I getting philosophic all of a sudden? Is age catching up with you favourite smalltown being? Na! I am just playing with you.
But what I was saying, there are time periods to certain relations. After a time it should be cut down. Even though there are no sour grapes. Even though you still like this person and he/she obviously cares about you a lot. There are certain junctures where you have to stop it and move on.
This is about someone I used to like a lot. I still do. One of my favourite people online. Always helping and always there with a hi. But you know, things always dont stop at great friendship. Sometimes you jump into relationships without thinking. Knowing thats its for fun. No future. No commitment. When time comes, one person move on. No hard feelings. And you are majorly lucky if you are that one person. Moving on one. If you are the other, its still ok, you dont care much. But it still stings somewhere. I dont want anything. I dont want old days back. But seeing someone happy and all when you are no where? It sucks. If I am bitchy for saying that aloud, so I am.
So, bye dear one, you struck a beautiful cord in my symphony.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Why mallus have the best music sense

Me, being a mallu aka malayali, cannot be less proud of our music sense. (It comes with the package. The proud thing. We people are everywhere in the world, we are freakishly proud of our culture and we think every non mallu is not natural).
So, coming to music, really truly we have the best music opportunity in india.
1. Bollywood music
2. Kollywood music ie the tamil one.
3. Malayalam music.
[i am not counting the big english rock/metal/country/pop list. Its universal.]
So, my point being, these are the industries that produce the best and most original music in india, especially hindi and tamil. Hindi is not so original but its diverse and really unavoidable. Since language is the biggest barrier in india, not everyone can enjoy these three. (And the person who said music has no language didnt have cared much about lyrics)
Continuing, hindi being a central indian language and the national one, those who speaks it gives bull about the southies and know nothing about it, thus making them very ignorant of the potent, soul stirring, best songs that ever originate in india. [added note- what ever anyone says, a.r.rehman's best music is and will always be in tamil. Because that language is really suited for lyrics.]
So how this makes us mallus special? Tamils also share the national language, so they get there two! Hai na? No. Tamils being more egotistical about their language dont give a fuck about hindi. They dont teach it at primary levels and they dont even show hindi films all over the state. Thus making majority of tamils not privy to the good old and new copied-from-all-over hindi songs.
And here comes the mallu superpeople. We get our basic hindi education. So, even when our language sucks(RudeBoy) we know enough to love the songs. And since tamil is closely related to malayalam, we know all we wanna know (and more) and they release every film here too. So yay mallus!
So what separates us from kannadigas? Who comes good in above criterias. That would be mallu film music. Which, if not great, is really original and follows traditional music and is mostly melody and some experimentations. And we all know kannada film industry is a big nonexistance. Thats all your honor, effectively proving the title statement.

Famous last words- MALLUS ROCK!! Yay!

Sunday, July 11, 2010


It all started with Perez Hilton. Did you know that he gossips an awful lot about Lindsay Lohan, Twilight franchise and Glee? I can understand the first two. Lindsay is such a huge disaster and Twilight is, well, Twilight. What is this Glee which is making news i cant understand?
You see, it hadn't started in India that time. (I am always ahead of times, alas!). Then i decided i am not going to watch a drama musical on TV just because everyone is doing it, and i am cool with my usual crime-detective-spy-guns-yay-shit. Then Star World started airing the rehab song!

That was so unfair, the song is absolutely irresistible! And just like that, my defenses crumbled.
SO i geared up for it when star world started it 2 weeks ago! And what can you say, its fantabulous! Songs are awesome, the characters are neat and the story lines don't bum you out.. I can go on and on, like you know i do when i am into something, which i always am.
So, if you like music and enjoys drama, gLee is the place for it!

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Resuming it!

So, lets call him UnintentionallyStupid. He was aQQui's civil engg classmate and is hunting for jobs now.
In his early job hunting days, one day he realised that he he had an interview the very next day and he didn't have a resume with him.
He scrapped up someone else's (like we all do) and changed the essential details and rushed for the event.
Somehow he performed excellently in the interview and was very confident about a position.
But, to his dismay, they didn't picked him, and to make matters worse, they didn't picked anyone.
This made UnintentionallyStupid think a lot. He found a senior working in the same firm and asked him to look behind the scenes.

Two days later, senior called him, and said that he inquired.
The interviewer said, "There was only one marginally good candidate. And i would have hired him. But sadly, he was a mechanical engineer."


The very day UnintentionallyStupid worked on a new RESUME, and lets hope he wont be mechanical about filling his resume again!

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Football's own country

Malappuram, (that is my my district in Kerala) is known mainly for the low education rates, for being the only district in south india to have major muslim population and for gulf money. But i tell you what it should be known for. For warm and kind natured people, for smart business minds and their craze in football.
Especially football.
Yesterday I was watching a music channel show where people had difficulty telling who scored the maximum worldcup goals, and which country did Messi belonged to. Someone should come here and ask that to five year olds, and girls, and grandmas. There is average hulchal for premiere league and euro cup like tourneys, there is roony and beckham fans. There is local clubs which play seven's (which I am not sure is approved by fifa) in which players from africa comes to play. Yup. I see african guys walk in streets all the time and they look homely.
And then comes worldcup. And its like a festival, which is going on here. There are posters and banners, of course, of every team, of course, EVERYWHERE. When I say everywhere, I mean it. At every nook, every junction, every turn, on bus' and autos, cars and bikes have ribbons of team colours hanging on them, houses gets painted in blue and white, and yellow and green, theatres show matches live, and then there are the bets.
Oh there are the bets. From haircuts and facial hair removal to big money and gadgets. I've seen guy with ronaldo's hair cut. Brazil's ronaldo. Oh yes, worst haircut ever! If that does not prove my point I dont know what will.
The speculations, match analysis.. Dunga and maradona writes for a regional daily. Together. I dont know another place they are likely to coexist.
Of course everyone watches the games, every single one too.
Since the majority supports brazil and argentina, brazil's lose and subsequent exit was received with mixed reactions. But the next day, when argentina lost, there were fireworks, processions, guys dancing on streets, angry revolts...
This is pretty much the tale of whole malabar, mostly whole kerala.
Till the festival lasts, there will be emotions, late nights, colourful ribbons, wagers, excitement...
Till then.. Its the football times :-)

Thursday, July 01, 2010

The Pottermaniac is BACK!!

It was really disconcerting to find that for a hard core Harry Potter fan, i haven't wrote even one post about my favorite book series. And when i say hardcore, i mean obsessed, too much into it with too much info, every web forum, orkut communities, fanfictions(only reading), wallpapers, DPs.... I was really really a Harry Potter series fan. More importantly, a Ronald Weasley fan.
So how it all began? [ i am getting a feeling that i have written all about this before, but i cant find it.]
I was not a fan at first. I remember watching the first Harry Potter film joking about the Troll and complaining the film is too dark and irritating Sruti. She was too into it, had all the books, read it all more than once.. I never got her. Thus, passing my days, i once happened upon a malayalam translation of the Philosopher's Stone in a local library. I took the book and went back to hostel. Why? To make fun of Sruti. Since i do read an awful lot, i decided to spare a few moments for the book. And i fell violently in fascination. With the whole world, with hogwarts and with Ron Weasley. [From first book onwards i liked Ron the best. He brings the life in to it. Harry is rather self involved prig, i feel. :P]
Anyway, I finished all the books in record time, from 1-6, not in the right order(1,3,6,2,4,5) since the deathly hallows was not released then. By then I was obsessed. I reread all the books, saw the movies, and hated them :p I tell ya, only diehard potter fans can hate the films. They are as such wonderful entertainments, but you wont be satisfied, as in your mind, the full potter universal is so much bigger. I even read quiddich though the ages. Well, partly anyway.
By then I was becoming an online person. I joined many orkut communities, moderated a few, became known in some circles as a faithful pottermaniac. There were forums, discussions, fanfictions [amongst them were some really nice ones and really twisty weird psycho ones (Seriously, Harry and Draco? You gotta be shitting me!)]
And in my friends circle, I became the somewhat eccentric one who wont shut up about Potter, Ron. To a point where Sruti became a very normal person who only read HP books.
When the deathly hallows came, i insisted on buying the original book, not the sidewalk 150Rs one. Di got it for me as a gift. And i think me crying on her shoulder when i read in an online forum that Ron died in the HP7 (on the previous date of release of book) prompted her to do that. And not even crying. I was sobbing. And against popular opinion, i loved Deathly Hallows. I used to read it when ever i got upset. (If anyone doubting this as my teenage antics, i was 24 then. :| )
And then slowly, it started to die. I stopped checking for updates, i started reading other books(I even read twilight, but i am not that crazy i guess :P), my HP7 book started gathering dust, my HP gyan began to diminish. The Half Blood Prince movie came and went, i didn't went crazy when i saw it. And i started forgetting an age in my life where i used to doodle Ron on my class desk and have only HP related display pics in orkut.
Then i saw the Deathly Hallows trailer in Utoobe. It is so great! Looks better than any HP movie ever..
And it all came rushing back! The excitement, the madness, the love... It was like meeting an old friend again... So Nostalgic..

Yesterday i took out my Deathly Hallows book.. Took it to work to read.. And i laughed and smiled through pages.. Yes, the POTTERMANIA is back! Even thought the movie sucks, i wont regret this preview that opened to me a window from my past, which i thought was dead and gone.

Watch and be awed.