Friday, October 31, 2008

Return of my jeDi!

Life is amazing.

When you think everything is finished, life stars anew..
When you give up hope and plans to turn away from a door, you hear the key turning again..

Di is trying hard to keep me in her life. I dunno how she does that in the midst of all the visits and relatives crushing her. 

And i have to confess i am totally bowled over by my Jeeju, Ray. He is terrific, yet i was always doubtful that as he is a possessive person, he might have problems with me.. No he doesnt.. Now its like gaining a new friend.. he is totally adorable..and funny

You must be wondering why i am so sensitive and crazy over a friend. Until and unless i am totally in love with her. I have to confess that if i ever, EVER consider going the other way..(here i proclaim that i am as straight as a ruler).. it will be for Di only. ( again, she too is very very straight). :p

so this is something which i hope will describe what Di is to me:
Di forever be the most wonderful person I knew. She would be the only person I loved so madly and passionately and without any reservations and conditions, till now. I loved her the same when she was smiling at me or angry and mad and spitting fire n totally scary ( oh.. she can be!). I love her for the feeling of security, the companionship, the urge to love someone she generated in me. For the pride of knowing that am above the rest because I have a best friend who will be there for me no matter what happens.  For Loving me the times wen I went completely off the hook and gone mad,like  wen I cried so much at midnight for the fathom death of Ron Weasly as told by some crazy fellow before the release of &th book, she sleepily hugged me and asked me whats wrong and comforted me even though she hated anything related to harry potter. Or for those times during nights when she was just an extension of hand away, for the days  when I used to come to class after OP and rushed to go near her. For knowing me as a mad, childish and insufferable person and accepting and loving me anyways. For the glint in her eyes which showed her love and amusement, the smile which made me realise I would have her what ever happens and the jabs in my chest when ever she tried to prove things by pinpointing it (she talks like that with everyone close to her, but to ray, she admits that she can only reach his abdomen).the trips and the food joints and the poultry we killed jointly(we were chicken addicts), the movies, calicut crown, the ice creams, pop corns,  KANK and arguments.. For changing my views in topics even without me realising it, like kuch kuch hota hai(how i hate that movie now!).. The times I told her my secrets and she told hers.. 
she fascinated me with the ways she can be serious and silly, childish and motherly, cute and smart.. 
And there was always a myrid of emotions i felt for her..
 The motherly me wanting to secure her when ever we went out ,hug her and comfort her spontaneously... the sisterly me sharing my secrets, others gossips and giggling all the time... the best friend me going out with her for food n movies and shopping,talking outside class and running to canteen for quick bites... The lover in me, hugging her without a reason and finding her cute even when she had one of those nose-itching-eyes-watering-oh-poor-me- fevers... the daughterly me who would curl near and fall asleep when she is studying and who would cry and run to her even for a small cut in hand...
there were so many moments of my life, i shared with Di and they would never have been the same without her, and my life also, wouldn't have been same without her.
So i think what i have for her is undying friendship, total adoration, and love.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Song which currently goes well with my state of mind..

"Here With Me"

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing 
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am 
I'll do what I want 
But I can't hide
I won't go 
I won't sleep 
I can't breathe 
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave 
I can't hide 
I cannot be 
Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends 
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

Oh I am what I am 
I'll do what I want 
But I can't hide
I won't go 
I won't sleep 
I can't breathe 
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave 
I can't hide 
I cannot be 
Until you're resting here with me

The sight of Di as i entered her home on the eve of her wedding. As usual, the big smile on her face, that i see when ever we meet after a long duration,..

Sharing a bed with Di, probably the last time, and she holding my hands as we both drifted off to sleep...

Going to temple on early morning of the wedding, leaving a sleepy H behind, walking and talking with Di, me and her, alone, without any hurries, like older days, when life was less complicated and more lively...

Fighting with Di's Aunt and a Shadow of a beautician to make her look good.. H was very strong and fiesty...

Di, during the wedding broadly smiling at Ray (her man) all shy and coy..And the whole reception laughing with her.

Watching her being taken away by her new relatives and feeling like shite..

Di rushing to me from a photo shoot and hugging me as we were saying goodlucks and goodbyes..

And as i was crying silently up on our journey back home, her call to see if i was alright..


God, i miss her like hell.. yet, its life.. i hope we will remain as we used to be.. best friends, soul sisters....
and life will be good, for her, and me..

Monday, October 20, 2008

My Will. ( you never know when it is too late to say something!)

No, i am not in my death bed. Actually i am at the peak of my health (from where only downfall is possible. That too HUGE, consider the ways i treat myself.) So, if by chance, i get to die young, preferably painlessly and with a status quo disease making everyone sad(i am such a drama queen, i live for it), i want leave a will behind.
so, here it goes..
1. I want a cremation, not burial. I hate to think about it even, yes, i am afraid of lying lonely under 6 foot of dark soil with worms eating me away and only rats for company. Ugh! it sounds so disgusting huh? Now, anyone asking for a burial anymore?

2.I want all my worthless things destroyed. That's the things no one wants and no one wont use, ever. Give out what ever anyone wants, but dont keep anything home. I dont want anyone (by which i mean Mom) getting sad seeing things which remind her of me.

3.I want Di to have my laptop. If only my Bro is ok with it, which i hope he will be. Its not that i love Di more, but Di would never get herself a laptop if not this. Also she knows Mr.Q (my laptop) like i do, and love him and take care of him. [Bro is the worlds most careles person.] Mr.Q is a very forgetful (not enough RAM) person, but very able, clean and hardworking. And he knows all my secrets, Same as Di. And then there is the 'wonderful' times we both spent with Mr.Q, which was amazing, and i want her to remember me. 

4.My phone should go to H. There is no sentimental reasons attached. As Bro recently bought a fancy mobile, he wont need my year old phone. And H's phone is like the BAAP of all things mobile. Abacus. Antique. ( so, dear H, call the motorola company and tell them about your phone. If someone is there who survives the coronary, the thing you call mobile will be featured in their museum and you will be given a seat in the advisory board.)
Actually there is a story behind H's phone. She, in our college days had a boyfriend. Later, when her parents found out, they threw a tantrum and asked her to forget everything (some religion or something. parents can be such babies!!) They stopped being lovers and started the best-friend thing and its amazingly working. (He is a very nice guy and a very good friend, and they suit so well, so, these days i am urging H to proceed with it and forget all the shite associated with home, but she loves her parents too much.) So, back to the mobile, when H was thinking of buying a mobile, He got a new one and was thinking how he will get rid of this junk, so he gave it to her [she is gonna kill me! :) ] So she couldn't tell her parents where she bought it from, so she told home that 'I' sold it to her. How that must have hurt my ego? I EVER owning that Match box! I am still licking my wounds in private! So she wont get a new one, and I, who 'gave' her the 1st mobile will give her the next too.

5.All my jewellery, should go to my Bro.. Except the antique looking pendent, its to Mom, as she was lusting after it for so long now.So, the rest goes to Bro, and no, he isnt transsexual, i want him to sell it and go for a tour. A grand tour. Or give it to his girlfriend. And do not forget to get it back if you ever break up. ;)

6.All my accessories should go to.. hmm.. H, i think. Di would never use it, Sony too. And no one has cute daughters or those that i like.

7.My novel collection is for Di. And she should read it! [ guess she wont miss me much after this!] The texts and other study books are for my current boss, with an instruction that he should read it and try to learn something before bossing me and H around (ok, this was a joke, but the rest isnt).

8.Please do not delete my ORKUT account and blog. i would want to know if internet is available in hell. ( You wouldnt think i will get into the other place right? Even if i get an invite from gabriel, I would wanna be with you all. That's more fun na?) And everyone, Keep in touch. Via Social Networks.

9. This is a special message to Di. Send A an email. And tell him I always loved him. And ask him never to hate me.

10. Buy Rocky a chocolate on every January 25th. He will not miss me more than the chocolates i get him.

So, i think thats it. And if i forgot something, i will edit it in later. 

I Hereby Solemnly Swear That Everything Written Above Is Correct And Should Be Taken Care Of.

bye all.. 

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Once someone i really loved told me blood is thicker than water.
I laughed at her.
How can petty relations be more important than close to heart friendship?
yet, now i agree.
Friendship is nothing but convenience.
time pass.
and when a greater love comes, the easiest to set aside and move on.
The easiest to avoid.
The best to forget without any regrets.

Friendship is the baseless 'thing' between strangers.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Girlfriends and the ways to lose 'em

How is it possible for people to change their nature so randomly after marriage? I am talking about girls. I dunno if boys are the same way or not, its just that i don't have boyfriends (boy-less, friend-more) who are married. I being the unmarried one who have seen a LOT of friends getting married, and been the bridesmaid to a lot (literally, maid.), i know what i am talking about. 

Those girls, brilliant, smart, strong willed, self sufficient, cool, funny... there are so many definitions which fit each one of them, who got married and changed so much so fast.. i was mesmerised at first. Now a days i expect it. 

There was our stubborn little Sishu, who never listened to anyone and got sad mad and happy with the littlest provocations, is now a mother, and has to cater to a husband who is so demanding, even she, a very fast and functional girl, cant satisfy.[ I, now a days don't call Sishu at all. All i need is the fond thoughts of a silly friend who came running to me and Di for some chatting and to vent her absurd thoughts. I am happy with the old sishu.]

Then there was Nisha, who was so fond me and Di, it drove us crazy, who sit with us for 1 whole year, who scared us to death my proclaiming she wants to share a room with us, for whom i transformed to a bridal beautician for a night, is not even sending me occasional SMS. I earlier thought it would be good riddance, but, no, it hurts in some degrees.

Then there is F, with whom we[me n Di] were SO attached, with whom we had meals 3 times a day, who changed rooms to be near us, who asked for my advise on anything and everything, is not even invited to Di's wedding.

There is Fiza, who was a strong female, who never listened to boys, she started wearing purdah after marriage as her husband liked it.

Sony, who used to make fun of every married girls who used to skip college functions or works failed to turn up at our convocation. CONVOCATION!!! yet i would say she is the least changed of them all.

And Sruthi, who used to missed call me 3 times a day even also i hated missed calls and never called her back, not anymore!! none!!

there are girls who are less changed and more changed. but the change is inevitable. 
Am more afraid these days as Di is getting married in two weeks and i am terrified.
i can live without the rest, but i don't know about her.
i feel like joey in the last season of friends. Life is changing, yet i dont want it to. and its unchangable.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Saurav Ganguly, the Greatest Indain Cricket Captain- and me..

This post is completely dedicated to Saurav Ganguly. If u are an indian and heard about a game called cricket, ( is there indians who dont know cricket?) you will know him well enough. Well, this isn't a post to describe the feats he achieved or the mountains he conquered. Its about a girl for whom cricket meant SAURAV GANGULY.
Till 10th i was a passive cricket fan. I know thats too late for an indian to get enamoured with the game. But after my 10th, i became an avid cricket viewer and a die hard Ajay Jadeja fan[it was his youthfulness and good looks, and cricket, in that perticular order]. Then, my li'l brother, who was into cricket from when he started watching TV and started understanding anything, was a wikipedia in cricket and a faithful fan of the then-new-player Saurav. I held on to my ajay till around 12th, when the betting scam came out. then i shifted gears to Sachin for a short time. Then, Saurav was captain and my bro still worshipped the soil he walked on.

Thus, we were both happy cricket crazy nut cases. We are 5 years apart, but we always found an age in between to adjust to, when we were young. More of that was me, who behaved like a little boy collecting cards and making books with news cuttings along with my kid bro. Then, i dunno the exact reason, i started liking Ganguly. May be its because of his arrogance (he says he isnt, but arrogant men are sexy if they aren't yours), or the fact that Sachin tried to take captaincy, or some unfathomable reason, Ganguly, for me became Sourav. Two drastic things happened at once. My saurav admirer of a brother became a Sachin fan and joined an I-Hate-Saurav club, and Saurav's magical form started to disappear. The first was due as we both never like the same person, as a scope of argument dies there. Thus, me small town girl started worshipping Saurav the Prince of Kolkata, King of Off side. And the second, i dunno.I didnt see anything wrong in this obscession.
Then i went to college. At college, the juniors were never allowed to set foot in TV room, and even if that happened, touching the remote was another matter. So, my future with cricket and Dada looked like a tunnel with no lights. So, many a matches went with me rushing to morning news papers to find the news. [My seniors, well, many of them were idiotic bitches, whose TV IQ was limited to regional films and soaps]. Then I in the midst, i searched for a co-conspirator, to make impossibles happen. So, there was this girl,i found, who was funny friendly and loved saurav and cricket and knew the game more than me. (Hey, i was really good in the game and its all aspects, someone better meant the best.) Unlike other cricket watching girls who watched it to sigh at cute boys, the game meant something to us, and we started to talk hours on the game, and Dada, bitched Sachin together [her bro also loved him], and we became friends. Thus, saurav gained me Di, my final word for friendship. [ as there were two girls in our batch with Di's name, everyone started calling her Ganguly, it got stuck even after the second di went away from our college. Still, many calls her that.]

Then, along with a senior friend of ours, we started attacking the TV room. We became bold enough to criticize people who watched silly TV programmes when a live match[test too] went on. We asked friends to come support us (many a times i had to drag a sleeping H to TV room), and in time, the people who watched regular cricket increased and we bacame like Navjyot Singh Sidhu and Harsha Bhogle to them.

The Tv room hold so many memories.. The fights we won, the matches, the excitement, the perticular places to sit for us which were crucial for the indian win, the world cup, the jokes, the sachin bashing when ambu was present [her cricket begins and ends with sachin], the roars, the cries, the mad grin, the rushes in between to the mess, the nick names, the newspapers which began in sports column... And the most memorable ones would be of the fights for Saurav, against sachin supporters and others who just hated him because we loved him(Actually loving Saurav knowing 2 crazy fans like us would be impossible, as we bored everyone to death with his stories all the time). Those fights in which we shouted, bled, stormed off and 90% of the time, WON :)

Then, as the days went on exams and crisises came, course became tough, schedule tight and then the worst, Dada was dropped from the team. And we stopped watching Cricket. I mean, cricket existed for me before him, but how could i loose interest in a game just because one player stopped playing? yet it happened. i still liked Kaif, Yuvi, Irfan, Zaheer, Sehwag...yet it just wasnt enough. Cricket without saurav is like 'Lays' without salt. Not complete. Then i went into other sports- football during the world cup, tennis during many cups, and shifted to Nadal and Juan Requelme. And i stayed an F1 viewer.

Thus cricket was on the verge of an exit from my life, then HE CAME BACK. Thus came back the match craze, the schedule posters in room prior to every tournament and the averages, strike rates and the whole statitics. We were back and were loving it. He was in such a good form..

And then there was final exams and all the shite associated with it, and later the IPL was announced, and i was so sure about which is my team. The only doubt was whether i would pick kolkata/ saurav. then they both came in a parcel. Then i was afraid which team SRK will pick, as i loved him too, then the 3 came in a package called Kolkata Knight Riders. And That Is One Heck Of A Team. It will also be a very special team for me, but the associated memories will be more connected to home, arguments with bro(mumbai indians) and cousins(chennai Super Kings), mom making fun of me for crying when KKR lost any games, Orkut, our community and Rudra, and my phone calls with Di.

Today, my friend Rudra scrapped me of Saurav's retirment, i thought it was a joke. I've heard the grapevine, yet Dada retiring? Unfathomable. To Me. The Question is, Will the cricket go on? it will. for me? I am not sure. There will always be IPL and KKR, but it feels like a part of me is retiring too. The cool cricket loving girl, the one who had a book with all the statitics, the one cared for what someone said about Dada, the one who was interviewd by a major paper once as one of the most into-cricket girls in our college, the one who was so silly, she cried for days after world cup...
Guys, the passionate, crazy, cricket and Sourav loving Small_town Girl is retiring.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008


On Sunday evening, i went to bigbazaar with H. We are really crazy once we get in a mall. We run around looking prizes n reading descriptions, n try not to buy anything. Actually, how many of you shop from bigbazaar? In my Bro's opinion, they have very low quality things there, but what’s wrong in looking? And the crowd and the rush never fail to excite me!
So, i saw this copy of "The 3 mistakes in my life" for sale, and being someone who loved chetan bhagat for his writing also [the good looks came first], couldn’t resist. I loved fivepointsomeone and even one night @ the call centre, even after many discouraged me from reading it. So, i got my copy of the book and slept soundly as we were really tired. The next day, early in the morn, i got a mail from H's cousin in US. He sent me a PDF of the book which i can read on my mobile. Hmm.. Money drain!! Whatever, i loved Chetan, and i thought, here I am owning the complete collection of an author apart from Harry potter.
So, i began reading in earnest and finished it around 7pm.  I loved it. Less than fivepointsomeone and more than one night. This is a more mature book, and our dear author is really improving.I loved the way each character was outlined and how it is so intricately linked with social and political incidents of India. I loved vidya and the sarcasm she brought as much as ish's laid back, macho, cool guy attitude and true to real life govind. Still, Ryan would forever be my favourite that came from Bhagat. I really fancied myself to be in love with him. As a matter of fact, Hari, from FPS is so like Ranjith, Di's fiancĂ©, its scary.
Some of my real life news:

Sony is gonna be a mom. i dunno if am happy for her or not. She is not the friend i envision with a kid. I was sad when she told me, and now, i think am coming in terms with it. It’s really annoying, Life and everyone is going somewhere and have some aim or anchor in their lives, while I don’t. The one thing i am happy about is I don’t have morning sickness and Sony is so miserable with it!

Di's wedding is approaching and she is busy as hell. And I don’t have a dress.

My Job is not running smoothly, Me and H have fights with management for our entertainment. And it’s not pretty.

Talking about pretty, the prettiest girl I’ve seen so far is at our resort. Pity she doesn’t know any English. We really would love to be friends with her. But she talks so much, its fun just watching.

Oh, and Dad has a 70% coronary block. Bypass surgery is inevitable. And Mom needs treatment for Anxiety neurosis.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

'Kehne ko jashn e bahaara hai' - the title was a part of the parcel.

The days are going rather dull.. Actually nothing is happening at all. I have not much work,and no new friends, So i just grabbed this question answer thingy from Trillian, (she is a cool girl. and an amazing writer too!)
So, there is this list of questions, first you turn your ipod/mp3 player/any player into shuffle mod, then for each Questions, press next, and the song that comes up, is the answer. well, sorta. And DO NOT CHEAT. I started doing it for fun and to escape studying with a sleepy H.

Some inferences you are likely to draw from it are.
1. I am a die hard knight rider. As in the fan of Kolkata Knight Riders
2. I am a sucker for bollywood songs.
3.My sense of music is rather too offbeat n ordinary. And my playlist is a century old.

So,Look what came up.. :) . And i solemnly swear i didn't cheat.

#if someone sys, "is this ok?"you say-
'korbo lorbo jeetbo re'
and thats a weired answer. i know

#What would best describe your personality?
'yeh ishq hai'- Jab we met.
Thats actually is ok..i am told that i resemble a mild version of Geet.

#What do you like in a guy/girl??
'suntha hai mera huda' from Pukar
no idea.

#How do you Feel today?
'Yeh..tumhari meri baatein'-Rock On!!
thats what i feel about H these days. But not today. I hated today.

#What is your life's purpose?
'dhadkan keh rahi hein yahaan koi aane waala hein'- Strings
Seems all i need is "someone". May be true!

#What is your motto?
'Rock on!!' -Rock On!!
wow!! am i cool or what? Its lyrics actually say a lot about me. And what a coincidence!

#What do your friends think of you?
'Aahistha aahistha'- Ahistha ahistha
It has some touching lyrics like 'yadon ki parchaiyaan tumse hi hai' and 'tum dil mein shareek huye'. actually i believe it. I loved everyone of them. Well, almost. And i think i made their life happier like they did mine.
and i like Himesh reshammiya once in a bluemoon. this film's track is good.

#What do you think of your parents?
'salaam-e-ishq'- Salaam-E-Ishq
Its more on romantic, silly love. Well, i love them, not in the 'aankhon mein, baaton mein' way.

#What do you think about very often?
'koi jo mila tho mujhe aisa lagtha hei' -breathless- Shankar Mahadevan.
I dont even listen to this song, how it got in my player? In the mean time,I seriously seem to need an affair.

#What is 2+2?
'Socho ji socho aisa hota tho'- Salaam-E-Ishq
Very Funny! But its a very happy romantic song.

#What do you think of your best friend?
'Mere Sanam' - gupt
Its for Di. when i told her, she didnt believe me. Actually i love her in a 'tujh se bichad ke mar jaayenge hum' way. Scary. But True.

#What do you think of the person you like?
'Tumko paya hein tho jaise khoya hoon'- Om Shanthi Om
Isn't that a tad extreme?

#What is your life's story?
Hamesha tumko chaha- devdas
I have no idea why this came up, but i seriously think of 'Ant' my ex-pen pal now.

#What you want to be when you grow up? (oh, come on! i'm big enough!)
Maine payal he chankai- falguni pathak.( i swear its not a song i listen to. Stored for some dance or something.)
Am I that desperate for a lover??

#What you think when tou see the person you like? (is this a repeat question?)
'Chhaliya chhaliya'- Tashan
No Idea. None.

#What do your parents think of you?
'Thode badmaash ho tum, thode naadan ho tum'- Saawaiya
This was the most amazing coincidence!! I know its mom. She loves me to bits.

#What will tou dance to at your wedding?
'sindbad the sailor'- Rock On!!
its a favourite. But at my wedding??

#what will they play at your funeral?
'Khamaj'- Fuzon
and i'll love if you'd do that. This is a special instruction to Di, H n Sony. Play it. Among Others. And put on some dance numbers. Make Amar in-charge.

#What is your hobby / interest?
'zehreelay'- Rock on!!
(weired. and i hate that song. and snakes.)

#What is your biggest secret?
'Loose control'- Rang de basanti
:D. Di laughed a lot on this. As i absolutely have none! I cant keep secrets.

#What you think of your friends?
'nihaal ho gayi'- Thoda pyar Thoda Magic
idiotic song. yet, 'seedhi sapaat zindgi bavaal hogayi,teri ek nazar se zindgi nihal ho gayi'.

#What should you post this as?
'Kehne ko jashn e bahaara hein'- Jodha Akbar
yah. right.

Pretty ok na? all of you, just try, if u have tons of free time or studytimes to escape from.