Friday, August 27, 2010

The Cat

I don't want to come out as an animal hater when i say i hate cats. But i guess wanting wring the neck of one and to throw one by its tails does not make me much nice too. (I swear i am better with dogs. Or anything that flies or walks on four legs. I hate fish. They are for eating.) I don't know where i get these cat hurting urges. Mom says its from the time one scratched me when i was 8. (Guess its dead now and i am not. Ha, you cat-bitch!)
So far this had been a non issue. I have known and liked people who in fact(to the horror!) owned cats. I made fun of them, insulted them and always told the cat is not cute. (No wonder some never keep in touch.) But, my closest ones are also not big fans of the four legged selfish masterminds who wants to take over the world. Especially in my family. While me and my bro do like the big ones, (tigers are not cats, damnit!) we always voted for dogs to be adopted and not cats. Thus we had Rocky, our GSD, not a monster named chucky or leo.( Damn i love the name Leo. Next dog. Period.)
I should have known that this domestic bliss would have a short life.
During the world cup, it happened.
Imagine the ugliest, unhealthiest cat you can image. Thats what happened.
At first when it trotted around the kitchen, we all thought it will die in 3 days maximum. Mom took pity on the monster and gave it a fair share of Rocky's milk. I was horrified to find it comfortably drinking milk near the firewood out back. Along with me, dad too registered his opposition to this new animal.
I should never have forgotten that the one thing me and mom share is our sovereign contempt for anything other family members think or want. Thus mom, also the queen bee and sole ruler of our home decided to keep the monster kitty. And named it SAKUMI. For the world cup mascot. Jeezus freaking Christ!
All these time, i thought either it will die, or we will chase it out of home. Or Rocky will do the job. We were shocked to find that his smelling is pretty lame for one of the-most-used-dog-breed-in-police. He knows mom is harboring hostage, he sniffs for it and never ever went close to its hiding. Shameless doggie! Now there goes my plans of him joining CIA! Hmmph
And once it had established rapport with mom, (mom calls, it purrs. How disgusting!) it turned on me. I knew it would. One day i discovered that my room smelled of urine. And later of poop. I found cat shit in two different places and one on a cloth, which i dont own now. Of the whole house and backyard and all, the monster had to shit in my room. My room!
Consider this as a statutory warning. Cats are evil. They select their opponents, the plan the attack in minute detail and they carry that out with precision. They are watching us. I even doubt this cat is a reincarnation of you-know-which-cat. To my everlasting dread, its getting healthy now. And fearless as it roams the hall and sits on the window sill.
Any way, i am forced to lock my door and windows now.
I am safe.
Until the Cat forges the key.


Rajlakshmi said...

ROFL ... ohhh poor you :P the evil cat seems to be giving you a hard time :P

smalltown_girl said...

yeah :(
i am applying for visa.

survivingbrain said...


I love cats like anything. They are the best creatures around..

Yes, they are mean, to people who dislike the species for no logical reasons. They are highly intelligent, and you better keep the key hiding in your ____, or else!!


fezi said...

u forgot 2 write about one cat u love...remember, u used 2 love Tom than Jerry..and u had even pitied him 4 jerry's pranks :)

smalltown_girl said...

@Survivingbrain: i hate u too now.

@fezi: tom is in tv. not in my face :P and i hate rats more :|

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