This shall, in future come to know as a reference guide to aspiring best friends and girl friends. (Or not. :P) [PS:Guest posted at Rudra's Blog.]
So why me? He is my best pal and he says i know him the best. And i think that qualifies me more than enough.
Special mention:The facts are more fictitious than reality and the sole purpose of the guide is to elicit a laugh and to torment Rudra.
So here we go..
- Do not think Rudra loves Arsenal. Rudra is Arsenal. This might sound crazy, but if you keep this in mind, you will understand a lot. Like why he never talks during a match time or why looking at Arsene Wenger's wrinkled face with anything less than admiration would invite his wrath.
- Second one is along the lines of first one, still deserves another point. Tottenham Hotspurs is not a football club. In fact they are nothing, so do not deserve respect or attention or even mention. And always, always refer to them as SPUDS. Every sentence with spuds should have minimum 3 words like dumb ass*****, motherf****** or dirty scumbag.
- Do not ever say ARSE. In or out context of arsenal. If its imminent and you cant replace it, you are allowed to use ass or buttocks or posterior instead.
(Some clarification here- You cant be ignorant of everything arsenal while being near him. His highs and lows are so associated with them, and many of his friends too. The club is larger than life. And you always come after the club. ALWAYS. First its rather annoying, but getting used to it is the only solution.)
- When in tight spots caused by yourself, do not hope for comfort words. He is a stickler of propriety. He will try everything to pin the blame on you, even when he is a third party. Its his way of comforting you and getting you ready for facing the situation. But after some minutes, he will come around to comfort. Same goes for fights with your own parents or siblings where you were wrong. And in those you were not. And the times when did the right thing and it still backfires.
- Rudra watches emotion filled reality shows. And you are not to make fun of it. Because hmm, sometimes its good to be emotional you know. (HA HA HA) *solemn look*. And, if you make fun of him, you will hear from me. So the list of shows include little champs, perfect bride [=)) i thought only girls watched it!] and other similar ones.
- Do not enter into arguments or debates with him if you are a sore loser especially without fact-sheets and brutal high pitched voice. To give some credit, he debates good. And he never listens to what ever you says. Frustration and urge to throw stuff at him is a constant result and if you don't live with him and/or is handling expensive stuff, stop the argument and count to 100. If it still doesn't work, hunt him down and kill him. [Cheat code: Act really upset and rather teary. He will write 'you are the winner' in a paper and sign it to stop you from sulking]
- One word: SPACE. This means a lot to him and so you should honor him with it. (Or not, as, after a while he gets used to you badgering the heck out of him in every 3o seconds :D)
- You can trust his movie gyan to the absolute. Even though he can be judgmental about some films you friend suggested(whom he hates[refer 11]) and can go overboard with them. Sometimes he even forces upon you weird films with rats as stars (not even animated :O ) or try to disguise horror ones for normal movies. Still he is pretty much perfect there.
- He loves rain to the point of making you hate rain. So if you want him in your life and still have a rain-loving-heart, learn to tune your mind to other frequencies during monsoon. Or you can go blah-blah-blah in your head. Listening to him going on about rain will make you positively sick of anything rain. So self preservation calls for aforementioned methods.
- Do not pwn him more than 10 times a day. After that that he is just morose. Girls with designs for him, don't even think about pwning. He only tolerates pwning from a limited number of people.
- Rudra will say he is not a strictly possessive person. But i beg to differ gentle girls, he is. In a non interfering way(thats the best kind na?). Step around it carefully girls, one wrong step and you are in ditch. Kidding, he is after all not a ditcher.
- DO understand the guy has LDA (Latitude Dependent Amnesia). Not a rare disease amongst guys i think. Symptomatically he forgets you when he moves to a new place. And he will come around to you eventually, but then he would have forgotten that he forgot you in the first place and will never apologize. Its a disease People.. Poor guy. Awful na? (And do not be sad. You will get your revenge. You can remind him and make him shameful for months, and later, you can even blog about it.)
- Rudra says words like ewww and awww and such, and you are to be glad that he is in touch with his feminine side. *solemn look*
- You cannot discuss censored topics with him. He starts with getting disturbed and saying ewww (refer 13), and later moves on to twitching, looking for change of topic or soon, a heart attack. True Story.
- Pink boxers are sexy. And manly. Do not argue the point.
The author shall not be responsible for any of the failures that are caused by this guide. As, the author didnt took money from you, and the author is not a very responsible person :D. Though, any success will be taken sole responsibility for.