Do you ever feel like you are in a race you don't know about and the time is running out? You have to make a move, you have to make choices, you have to think, everyone is getting way ahead of you but you don't know what the hell you need to do to stay away and/or alive?
I am in such a race. I don't know if i want to be in it. I am almost sure i don't want to be. I don't know when it started and when i fell so behind. But nonetheless i am in and i am losing.
Time is such an important factor in a crowd that doesn't believe in late bloomers or last laughers. You finished the race? Are you checking the milestones? Yes? You win. No? You suck.
And i suck big time.
I was always late growing up. I learned to take care of myself when i was 16 or something. That too barely. Considering i was living in a boarding, it created some pretty nasty episodes. I still am not an expert in it. I arrive for anything and everything late. I am a perpetual and professional late comer.
Does anyone get that? No. I am always asked, "where in the race are you?". I say "i haven't begun," and i get, "aw, poor girl! get going."
May i won't ever run. May be i don't want to run. May be i am too scared and lazy to run.
But the race is on and until you reach the milestone, or die trying, you are nothing but a big freak.