Look who is back and talking!

Ah, In case anyone is wondering, I am not dead (one of the things i KNOW about Internet is, no one misses you. That's a maudlin thought and i am too perky to be moody now).

Well, as you last know, i was in some sort of eating disorder control thingy last time we met. It was not pretty folks! I survived on just juices(twice daily) for nine whole days! There were days i thought i would go ka-razy and there were nights i dreamed of indulging in nothing but the finest cuisine. Now, i am truly back and is refraining from over indulgence. Most of the time. Oops. :|

And when i came back home after the, my bro says the modem has died and went up on a crack of thunder. Really monsoon? The best you could do was the modem? Now don't take it out on the computer please. So thats the delay in the blogging.

You remember the story i was talking about writing? Well, i sent it last month. Now fingers crossed!! You too do it na? Okay, now uncross it. :P I am having some crazy thoughts like, Did it reach them?(it was sent via email, not snail) or was my font readable (it was calibri, one of my fav) and such bullshit. Its my first time na? Allowed hai.

So, what you think of Yoga? This being the some health related day and all(see, i watch news! while playing on mobile) i wanted to know what you think. My friend Pallavi just started Yoga. And i am doing it these days. You have any experience? Hearsay? Let me know. I will let you know how it goes for me. :)

And a promise.

I'LL BE BACK. SOON. *shwarzenn-whatsthatdude style*

The Cost of Being a Smartass

There are days when I am so darn proud and happy for the fact that I am street smart that I have to resist giving myself a hi5 in public. Today was not that day.
I was waiting for the bus to take me to the clinic in the morning. I was late owing to being tormented by (bitching about) Justin Beiber after seeing him back to back first thing in tv. Dont ask why I watch tv if I have to leave home early. And dont even start suggesting driving. You know why!

So I was late and rather pissed and when the bus finally arrived, I rushed and was first in the disorganised queue-huddle at the door. Yes, I always manage to be at the front, I just hate standing. People were getting off and there was this girl(13ish) who was last, and a rather mannish lady(b****) started pushing in and I had to side step so as to get this girl out alive. This took considerable time and my good deed for the day was done, so I rushed(pushed) in to salvage something for my posterior and there was this 50ish aunty sitting alone in a two seater and I went to sit down.

Aunty- this seat is taken!
Me- huh. *sitting down near hear rather forcefully* it is taken now, I guess.
Aunty- *to the daughter who was entering then* sit on the side seats!
In my defence, It was a 45 mins journey and I was going to work. And the whole time aunty passed angry glares at me and pushed me even when the bus was not passing a curve. Mean aunty!
So when I reached my destination, I got off, and sat down under the fan in clinic and sighed in relief. Nightmare over!
Except, I had no idea.

After about 10mins, receptionist came in.
R-lady: You got a patient.
Me: great, send 'em in.

Enter aunty and the girl. Yes, same aunty and same girl. My life is over.

Aunty: *half laughing and half glaring* YOU!
Me: *half scared and half guilty* you? :-S

Long story short, aunty and girl(who turned out to be her granddaughter), was coming to see me, as the girl was uh.. um.. sick.
I know. I am despicable.
In self-defence, she did not look sick. :|
Thankfully aunty did not beat me with her handbag, and after some chats, became quite friendly.
When you think something is finally over, shit will hit the fan on full speed. Again.
After asking me where my home was, she asked me if I knew a teacher who lived there.
Me: *OMG-here-it-comes face* yeah, thats my Mother.
Aunty: we know her! Very well too. She taught her*pointing at the girl*.
They very fondly took mom's number from me and went after the consultation.

Dont say anything. You cant call me something that I haven't called myself.

'Ear me out!

I am not pretty when i get sick. In fact, its quite a terror. I get needy, greedy and bloody irritating when something disturbs the aww-so-amazing functioning of my body.

And usually i am very healthy too. No fevers, with or without fancy names. No wonky lab reports. No allergies. All systems functioning well.

Then i woke up yesterday.

And the whole room started spinning.

I closed my eyes and tried to turn. And then it spun some more. It stopped.

I thought I'd skipped the dinner. No i hadn't. And i am not that delicate.

I stood up and then the spinning restarted. I was never a fan of theme park rides. Now you can imagine how i feel about this. It freaked me out. I went downstairs, feeling slightly nauseous. Add to that a slight temperature and sweating.

Then once i settled and fixed my head on a pillow, the world righted itself and i could start thinking what went wrong. Especially, where.

I remembered all the times i had asked patients, was the room spinning or were you spinning kinda questions. They will mostly make are-you-crazy eyes at you. But when it happens to you, thank god for your basic knowledge, you notice.

I don't like medical terms in blog. Still, you know what this means? Positional Vertigo.

Basically my ear is screwed. (I am leaving the technicalities here.)

You know what irked me? The Ear part. Of all the parts of my body to go and do something weird, the ear had to do it. I, who never ever ever got admitted in a hospital as a child, except one time for finishing a bottle of 500 grams of Boost in one day and getting quite a digestive tract cleaning, both ways, is an epitome of health. So i am convinced that one day i will get some awe-worthy disease, like Blood cancer(my childhood ambition, yes i watched films a lot) and die a very theatrical death making every eyes wet. And no where in this huge production i can find a role for an ear. But there it goes, literally and figuratively toppling my entire world. I want to take a nailgun and gun this thing down, which may not be an ideal situation. And i will never hear the end of it (Haha!).

And you know what this means? Doctor. I hate doctors. I don't trust them. And now i hate my ear too. :(

So I skipped the doc, I sat at home and had a lecture on causes of vertigo from mom. Being lazy and disrespecting her. Yess Mom. You are lucky i cant shake my head in denial.

Spam me in style. (its a request)

From: Karen L. De Luca
To: Yours truly
Dear Internet User!Microsoft Company have donated £1,500,000 Pounds to you and your family as a benefit for joining us in expanding the use of internet in your country., Contact: Mr.George MacVicar :Email:georgemacvicar@seo-z.cn

From:British Telecom

To: Who else?

Your email ID has been awarded £1,000,000,00 GBP in our British
Telecom.confirm
receipt by sending your
1.Full Name:
2.Full Address:

Seriously??

Jeez. Where are these people's imagination!

Do something creative. Entertain me. Make my heart go faster.

Try to fool me. At least pretend that you are trying.

Or you are just depressing me with your lack of imagination.

See this lady for example:

From:Princess Priscal Kiki

To:You guessed it.
My Dear,

I am writing this letter in confidence believing that if it is the wish of God for you to help me and my family, God almighty will bless and reward you abundantly and you would never regreat.

I am a female student from University of Benin ,I am 26yrs old. I like any person who can be caring, loving and home oriented,I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction.

Well, my father died earlier two months ago and left I and my junior brother behind. My father was a king, which our town citizens titled him over sixteen years before his death.I was a princess to him and I am the only person who can take care of his wealth now because my junior brother is still young and my mother is not literate enough to know all my father's wealth.
My father left the sum of USD $4.5 Million (four million,five hundred thousand US Dollars)in a security company .This money was annually paid into my late fathers account by NNPC and SHELL companies operating in our locality for the compensation of youth and community development in our jurisdiction.

I don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my present because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town.

Now,i urgently need your humble assistance to help me move this money from the security company to your country, That is why I felt happy when I saw your contact because I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will help me invest this money wisely.

I am ready to pay 40% of the total amount to you if you help us in this transaction and another 10% interest of Annual After Income to you after handling the expenses should there be any in the course of moving the money to your country.If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund from the security company,you shall never regret in your life for assisting me.
Please, note that this transaction is 100% risk free and I hope to commence the transaction as quick as possible.You can contact me in my private email: kikipriscal84@yahoo.com

Yours sincerely,

PRINCESS Priscal Kiki

Now there is a Princess, damsel, in distress. Your moment to man up and do the deed to save the lady. Thank god i dont have the basic qualification to man up, or who knows, this would be our happily ever after.

And this is how you entertain. I was sorry for her plight, heck as interested to help out, and MORE(wink wink).

I can really imagine princess priscal /rascal Kiki. And she's cute. Isn't she?

Happy and Gay!

Is it me reading gay romance fiction and watching Just Say Love(beautiful film by the way, I wish I had seen the play), or do these two look totally gay? (Apart from the boobs, of course.)

Doctor.. Doctor!!

Imagine you are going to visit a doctor. A cloud of different emotions hang over your head. You are afraid, hopeful, excited, calculating...

Then you go inside and what you see there?

Yes.. the doctor is Sleepy Sleeperson.

How you feel now?

Well, let me introduce my Vice.

Sleep.. which eludes me at night, has no problems appearing spontaneously in day time. Short visits. When i am inactive. These facepalm situations make maximum appearance during my work. Imagine me, doctor, with minimum patients, bored shit in afternoons, not to mention after a heavenly and heavy lunch, in summer heat, with rhythmic sound of fan... ideal situation to breed sleep, you see.

Usually life is cool. I get up when a patient tries open the door or my pharmacist calls me to inform an arrival. Or the attender brings the case sheet. I wake up and other than a clueless smile and bright eyes, nothing is amiss. That is Usual.

Then there is unusual. The attender is late. The patient is not patient(LOL) and opens my door without any formalities. The pharmacist is rapidly trying to call me...

And what can be the final nail on my coffin? Yes, me myself, in one of those mindless, deep, dream laden sleep. In which i cant hear the door, or the patient's clearance of throat, or even the phone, which is right near my ear.

Like this afternoon.

I am thinking if there were drool in the scene. Which would have been the icing on the cake. And truly, i cant even remember it.

I scrambled up.. got my wits together.. Lied that i had a headache.. Then went on with the consultation.

I will never blame her if she is not buying that medicine.

[PS: Looking back on that image, the resemblance in uncanny.]

The Doctor is In

Commuting from work is hell. So one of these days, i was waiting for bus and an auto came which was in my route and i had to auto-pool (funny :D) with a middle aged couple. The travel was silent, incident free.

And when i was nearing home, i asked the auto driver to stop.

So, something about my home. I have this board with Dr.Smalltown Girl written on the side of the short path leading to my home. This was erected in mom's insistence soon after my graduation, most likely to show off, and has gained me much ribbing from fellow college mates who travel this way and see the board.

So, as i was paying the auto driver..

Middle aged Decent looking Man(MDM): Oh, You here to the doc's house?

Me: *smiling* Yes.

MDM: Hmm, if you don't mind me saying so, there is another doctor at the next stop. Dr.KM. He is very famous.

Me: Oh i know him.

MDM: Oh. then why don't you go there?

Me: Because, i AM this doctor.

MDM: *spluttering sounds* Oh.. Sorry..I thought..

Me: Its ok. Dr.KM was my teacher at college. But OK.

As i was turning to go home, the MDM was still spluttering and the auto driver was laughing his ass off. I could't resist a smile. :)

I was rummaging mom's closet when i found some very nice looking blankets tucked away in a rather obscure manner. I pulled them out and they were simply aww!!

Then, very conveniently mom came in.(She guards her closet like a lioness. I think there is family jewels or something i don't know of :P)

So i asked her where is this new blankets from.

Mom- "They are they for some two or three years"

Me- "Then why are we not using them?"

Mom- "Ah.. I brought them for a specific purpose"

Me- "And that would be...?"

Mom- "Hmm.. They are for receiving my first grandchild."

Oh

Mom looked at me pointedly.

Did i mentioned that i am her eldest and only daughter?

Oh indeed.

I aM Def Bad..

Today i registered myself at IMDB. I love the site, but i totally don't believe in the ratings as i have loved some they have condemned and i hated some in their all time top rated flicks.

So the weird stuff is that, when i clicked on the link to complete the registration, the word confirmation they showed was,

*sex drive*

(select from * to * and see)

:|

This can only be rivaled by blogger, who, for commenting in my own blog, once asked me to type DUFFER, which lead me to undo that option all together.

Friends Flings and Fucked up relationships

I don’t know what is it about me that represents a cry pillow/punch bag. This is the second time a guy friend of mine comes to me brawling about the loss of his girl friend. Both of these guys are my online friends. (What my offline friends are thinking of me? Shallow??) The first one was Ben, who is 2 years younger than me and is totally adorable. I still remember how he whined that he would never be happy again and would never get over this girl when I was trying to convince him that she is totally not worth it. And recently, even before it has been 6 months, he called me and nagged to the core with the tale of this amazing new girl he is totally in love with.(I know. Boys!!)

Yesterday, another social networking friend of mine, Jay, called me. I wasn’t expecting his call as he is out of state and jobless currently [guys.. He is not a regular loser, but a post-graduate one. actually he is cool. Its all due to the current downfall of IT industry and he is waiting for it to pick up pace]. Jay is a very jovial and funny person and whenever he calls me,we both laugh like mad from "hello" to "bye then”. Yesterday, after the introductory hello laughs, he suddenly told me that his girl friend's marriage is now fixed. (You should know that from the part of world I come from, parents arranging marriages is quite common. If you ask me, it totally sucks!) He said that they had a slightly serious monogamous fling only, and he is totally alright with the situation. Then he proceeded to tell me how cool this girl is, how cute is her smile and how used to call him to her from across the room and used to tell him "lets go n rent a room" when he is near,(thats what i call sexy!) and how it got him on fire. (Yeah right. You are totally over her. I believe you.)
Being the good friend that I am, I suggested serious bitching many a times.(i think it totally makes up for the aversion therapy.)But no, our romantic hero is not into getting-over stuff. he is cool facing it. Bullshite and foolish, i say. If u r reading this jay, take me seriously, am good at sorting others lives! Its min that i need help with.
Me thinks, his problem is that he is totally upset with his financial and career state and is over reading into this.
So I told him to move on with his life. After some more reminiscence and our usual laughs, we said "bye then" after 2 hrs.
I think I will hear about "this amazing girl whom I totally love" after 6 months. And knowing Jay, even before that.